Cindy

Cindy's Santas - 2020 "Ornament(s)"

After 20 consecutive years creating an annual ornament, I did not make one for 2020. Instead, I dedicate this space to “Cindy’s Santa’s”- her 12-piece Christmas project that spanned 26 years.

When our first child finally arrived in 1987, our ninth year of marriage, Cindy and I intended to bring many of our cherished childhood traditions into our own family. Santa Claus, however, was not one of them.

A few years earlier, we both underwent a transformation of sorts in our Christian faith that changed our perspective about life in general, including Christmas. We resolved that our family’s Christmas would focus on the far greater wonder of Jesus’ birth.

A way Cindy retained the magic of the season was by reading Bible-oriented Christmas stories to our children. Always on the lookout for good ones, “Santa’s Favorite Story” by Hisako Aoki and Ivan Gantshev; “The Greatest Gift of All” by Kimbery Rinehart; and, “Waldo, Tell Me About Christmas” by Hans Wilhelm were popular reads.

Cindy’s favorite was “Santa, Are You for Real?” by Harold Myra* about the “real” St. Nicholas who lived in the third century. Known for his dedicated faith in Christ and selfless service to others, Nicholas was appointed Bishop of Myra* in Asia Minor while still a young man. A story about him leaving gold coins in stockings or shoes to fund the dowries of three young women in his village gave rise to the legend of Santa Claus many years after his death in AD 343.

1st Santa, 1990

1st Santa, 1990

While gift-shop browsing during our family vacation in 1990, Cindy fell in love with a little figurine of Santa kneeling in prayer over the Christ child in the manger. The following summer, a Norman Rockwell inspired figurine entitled, “Santa’s Workshop” also struck a note with her. A third Santa that she found in 1992, was “bishop-looking” with a whimsical expression.

Cindy’s Santa collection grew to ten during our family-raising years from 1990 and 2004. Whereas in 1990, Adam was 4 and Laura 6 months old, by 2004 they were 18 and 15 respectively, on the cusp of high school graduation, then on to college and beyond.

Despite that she and I foraged for Santas together, I never did lock into her selection criteria. Like a little dog intent on pleasing his mistress, I brought many Santas for Cindy’s inspection but the only one that met her approval was one I found in 2008. So thrilled to find one she actually liked, I gifted it to her so I can forever claim a role (like I’m doing now).

Last Santa was a gift from Barb in 2016

Last Santa was a gift from Barb in 2016

The last Santa initially belonged to our friends, Ron and Barb, who in 2016 hosted a holiday gathering at their home. Each year, Barb transforms their house into a Christmas wonderland of stunning decorations, trees, lights and greenery. Two, large, luxuriously-robed Santa’s captivated Cindy. At our weekly men’s prayer meeting next morning, Ron gave me a gift bag to pass along to Cindy that contained one of those Santas.

As I decorated this year, I thought about that period after 2004 when Cindy’s Santa-collecting all but halted. Some pretty significant challenges arose during a 15 year span that we navigated with God’s guidance and the love and strength we drew from each other. However, Cindy’s unexpected death in April 2019 from leukemia left me torn from the “each other” component of us and pondering anew how God is guiding me through the balance of my life.

Cindy’s Santas that were prominently featured in our Christmas decorating during her life remain a fixture for me now. As I consider the collection as a whole, that my beloved’s selection criteria is as much a mystery as ever matters nothing. Rather, I tap into the inexpressible joy that was in the journey we shared together.

“Cindy’s (12) Santas, 1990 - 2016”

Notes:

  1. While I did not create an ornament this year, I purchased a replica of Cindy’s first Santa kneeling over Jesus’ creche from EWTN’s Religious Catalogue. Actually a 2-inch tall figurine, I “converted” it into an ornament.

  2. *Only a coincidence that the last name of the book’s author and the place St. Nicholas was appointed Bishop are both called Myra.

  3. St. Nicholas’ feast day is December 6. For more about the patron saint of Santa Claus, click on: Who is St. Nicholas?

  4. Two Santas were also gifted to Cindy in 1992 and 1994 by my sister, Cherie.

Forever Young-ish

My wife Cindy would have marked her 64th birthday today. Instead, she is forever young-ish, locked into the age when she passed, exactly one month shy of her 63rd birthday. So at 62, she is forever - young-”ish” as our daughter might say (who is known for her “ish” endings that seem quite appropriate here.)

When Cindy and I married at ages 23 and 22, respectively, 62 seemed pretty old to us, even “over the hill.” Nevertheless, as with all couples on the day they marry, we were committing to each other for life, vowing to mark our “old age” birthdays together until “death do us part.”

Well, death did part us just a little while after we marked our 40th wedding anniversary at Beaumont Hospital where Cindy was receiving treatment for leukemia. Seven days after that anniversary, Cindy achieved remission, a first necessary milestone on the way to survival and resumption of life that was not assured but she resolved to give it her all.

She gave it her all but an infection arose at an inopportune time when her immune system was at rock-bottom and all of a sudden, she was gone.

A little more than a year now since her passing, I am muddling through living solo while sorely missing being part of the couple that she was the other, better half of. She was the center of our family and I am sorely lacking in much she did so naturally and well. In her work, her roles in our church, her nurturing of our family and hers and mine, her absence is a ginormous, jaggety void.

My frequent thoughts of her are sobering and sad but also good. Living in the house we shared for 25 years, she graces every nook and cranny and I find myself speaking aloud as if to her about something she would have waded in about.

I’ve devoted considerable time to organizing our lifetime of memories and photos. Although she was not much a keeper of memorabilia, I have many pictures of her that I am turning into various keepsakes to preserve and celebrate the wonderful legacy of her in our lives.

She would have been 64 today but, sadly, she is forever dialed in at 62, forever young-ish. I would prefer to celebrate with her but, alas, I celebrate her and also my missing her.

Here are some of my "last” pictures of Cindy at her “Forever Young-ish” age of 62 (except for one - can you guess which?).

No final goodbye

I dreamed about my wife, Cindy last night. Since her death a little more than a year ago, she is constantly on my mind but this dream is a first.

In the dream, she was going away and we did not know if we would ever see each other again. We tried to quell our anxiety about her leaving by absorbing as much of each other as possible - spending all our time together, talking, walking, eating, touching, hugging, holding each other.

Ultimately, none of that made the final goodbye any easier. The actual parting was very hard as was the insatiable longing for her after she was gone. This was where the dream left me.

In truth, we didn’t have any of that. When we went to the hospital that night, we had no inkling whatsoever that she would never return home again. No final goodbye.

At least I was at her side when she died, although she was long unconscious by then so I don’t know if she was aware of me. A few others were with us too - a couple of my sisters, her sister, her mom…..

Why this dream now? Perhaps a subconscious response to the gripping stories of so many families losing a loved one to the COVID-19 virus, also with no final goodbye? Imagine dropping your loved one off at a hospital to never see them alive again. Then, no visitation, no funeral or burial ceremonies after. At least we had all those ceremonies for Cindy. Might not seem important but I can tell you it was very important then and still.

All in all, even with no final goodbye, I’m doing OK. How? I generally credit my faith in God who is steady and unshakable and who provides and supports me in multiple ways, including a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends. I tend to see my entire life in the context of Him. To endure the loss of Cindy without God seems unimaginable.

God’s word, the Bible, has much to say about God sustaining his people through life’s many difficulties. As a seasoned believer and follower of him, I’ve found his assurances dead-on often (pun intended). Such as….

… they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31, ESV)

Perhaps this dream is God’s way of prompting me to pray for families who lost a loved one to COVID-19 - that they would discover God holding them up, sharing their grief and loss.

Even when we are left with no final goodbye, God is more than able to hold us up. Best of all, He is willing and eager to do so.

Notes:

Banner photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

"Cindy"

Today marks one earthly year since the beloved person we know as Cindy passed from our lives into another existence about which humans hold various beliefs. Cindy and I believe in Jesus Christ and we thus apply the beliefs of the (Christian) Bible regarding where she is now.

For this first anniversary of her passing, I share a re-worked rendition of her memorial/funeral service held April 12, 2019 at Ward Church in Northville, MI. “Re-worked” because I added and synced images to the audio recorded that day to coincide with the songs, readings and messages presented by participants in the service.

What we have now is something more, my visual interpretation of the audio recording that not only illustrates what was spoken, read and sung but also presents a series of snapshots of Cindy’s life as represented that day.

I pray that you who knew her will find that this presentation represents Cindy well, albeit incompletely. If so, then you who did not know her will gain an understanding about her that is inspiring, encouraging and hopeful in this very challenging time on planet earth. Furthermore, I pray it offers a winsome view into and about Cindy’s faith in Jesus Christ that is at least intriguing if not much, much more.

I’m pretty sure that no one is more embarrassed about all of this fanfare about Cindy than Cindy herself. Therein lies the beauty of this project, as well as my motivation for bringing it to you. As eulogist Julie said about her, “She lived simply, loved abundantly, protected fiercely, and savored the life that God gave her.” Julie also noted, “Cindy’s life took many dramatic turns... She responded admirably in ‘un-dramatic’ ways—reflecting her steadfast faith & practical nature.”

People like Cindy - simple, steadfast, practical, undramatic - don’t make the pages of our world’s histories. Rarely do their funerals feature seven eulogists. But in God’s world, Cindy is known, very well known. I am grateful that she and I share “being known” by God.

While experiencing this service again may be difficult for some, know it is here at Road Report Journal to be found if or when you are ready.* I do not intend to fan or resurrect the pain you are trying to get beyond due to Cindy’s passing but to hold this woman, so vibrant in the life we enjoyed with her, as still alive and vibrant and still able to inspire us to receive and be moved by the Person that gave her life when…
and Who still gives her life now.

Click here to begin: CindyT’s Memorial Service, 4/12/2019

Service Order:

(YouTube format; 1 hour, 24 minutes; you may drag cursor to any section in the program to view selected parts vs. all at once)

  1. Call to Worship - Psalm 121 - Pastor Doug Walker - where does my help come from….?

  2. Welcome & Prayer - Doug

  3. Song - “Salt & Light” - by Lauren Daigle, sung by Heather Yanke Lunneberg

  4. Readings ( Char, Deb, Brian)

  5. Eulogies ( Bryan, Emma & Lindsey, Karen, Kim, Mamie, Julie, Glenn)

  6. Message - Doug - John 14: 1-7 - in my Father’s house are many rooms…

  7. Song of Reflection - “And Now My LifeSong Sings” - by Casting Crowns, sung by Heather

  8. Psalm 23 - Doug - The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want….,

  9. Credits

* Note: This is an unlisted YouTube video so you need this link to access the presentation. It is not findable by searching on YouTube.

Producer’s note: Not included in presentation are 2 songs sung at the service - “In Christ Alone” and, “Trust in You,” a Cindy favorite that was the third song performed at a special night organized by Heather in honor of Cindy’s many years as a vocalist with the Grace Chapel Worship Team. To see the video of that performance, click here: Night of Worship held on June 15, 2019


Heavenly Song

Has it been almost a year since my beloved wife Cindy slipped away? Turns out, I’m the one left behind in the “until death do us part” agreement we struck on our wedding day in February 1979. Even though we both knew that death would one day part us, I thought she promised I would go first!

I was not ready for her departure and wish we’d had the chance to say goodbye. Then again, is anyone really ready to lose someone loved so dearly?

I miss so much about her but her voice is near the top of my list. I really miss her voice - all the conversations we had, the laughter, the playful banter, the discussions, sharing, life-processing, gushy love talk, decisions and, of course, her singing. How do I not have even a small recording of her singing?

Everyone who knew her knew she loved to sing and that she was in her element participating in various choral groups in junior high and high school and church. Informally, she enjoyed singing at Sunday services and impromptu sing-a-longs with family musicians during holidays and around a lifetime of campfires.

She particularly LOVED being a vocalist with our church, Grace Chapel’s praise team for fourteen years. Just a few months after she died, her friend and praise team leader Heather Yanke Lunneberg organized a special night of worship in Cindy’s memory. Below is a link to the video of that amazing performance for your viewing and listening enjoyment.

“Night of Worship” was an inspiring tribute to God who Cindy revered greatly. I pray listeners receive a welcome boost in the midst of this dreary COVID-19 pandemic, reminding you that God is still in complete control and, best of all, you matter to him beyond measure.

Many of the songs sung during “Night of Worship” were Cindy’s favorites. So connect to a decent speaker, crank up the volume and let it roll. If you are especially attentive, maybe you will catch a few strains of Cindy’s sweet harmonies floating down from heaven…

Link: Night of Worship - “Giving Glory to God for the life of Cindy Trevisan”
June 19, 2019 at Grace Chapel Church, Farmington Hills, MI

Thank yous…

1) To Heather for putting this night together and all the performers who brought their best for the Lord and to honor Cindy (see credits scroll at end of video)

2) To songwriters whose music was played that lifted us to beautifully worship our amazing God.

3) Finally, thanks to our (Cindy’s and my) daughter, Laura Trevisan Mosher for painstakingly syncing the audio and video portions of this night to create this production for YouTube for all of us to enjoy.