I dreamed about my wife, Cindy last night. Since her death a little more than a year ago, she is constantly on my mind but this dream is a first.
In the dream, she was going away and we did not know if we would ever see each other again. We tried to quell our anxiety about her leaving by absorbing as much of each other as possible - spending all our time together, talking, walking, eating, touching, hugging, holding each other.
Ultimately, none of that made the final goodbye any easier. The actual parting was very hard as was the insatiable longing for her after she was gone. This was where the dream left me.
In truth, we didn’t have any of that. When we went to the hospital that night, we had no inkling whatsoever that she would never return home again. No final goodbye.
At least I was at her side when she died, although she was long unconscious by then so I don’t know if she was aware of me. A few others were with us too - a couple of my sisters, her sister, her mom…..
Why this dream now? Perhaps a subconscious response to the gripping stories of so many families losing a loved one to the COVID-19 virus, also with no final goodbye? Imagine dropping your loved one off at a hospital to never see them alive again. Then, no visitation, no funeral or burial ceremonies after. At least we had all those ceremonies for Cindy. Might not seem important but I can tell you it was very important then and still.
All in all, even with no final goodbye, I’m doing OK. How? I generally credit my faith in God who is steady and unshakable and who provides and supports me in multiple ways, including a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends. I tend to see my entire life in the context of Him. To endure the loss of Cindy without God seems unimaginable.
God’s word, the Bible, has much to say about God sustaining his people through life’s many difficulties. As a seasoned believer and follower of him, I’ve found his assurances dead-on often (pun intended). Such as….
… they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31, ESV)
Perhaps this dream is God’s way of prompting me to pray for families who lost a loved one to COVID-19 - that they would discover God holding them up, sharing their grief and loss.
Even when we are left with no final goodbye, God is more than able to hold us up. Best of all, He is willing and eager to do so.
Notes:
Banner photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash
